Currently,
the news is focused on homosexual marriage and whether or not it should be
legal. This seems like a pretty good time to discuss whether love is a choice
or an involuntary emotion. How do you know? If it is a choice, how do you choose? If it’s not a choice, what do you do if you fall in love with someone you
don’t want to be in love with?
The
first question (and really the only question) we must answer is whether or not love is a choice. . . The easiest and
most simple answer is this; not at first. When you initially fall in love with
someone, you have very little say in the matter. You fall, and you can’t help that.
However, you do choose whether or not
you enter into a relationship with them. If you do choose to build a
relationship with them, you will have to choose
to continue loving them.
This sounds
crazy, I know. But, the truth is, long term relationships are full of choices that
will determine whether or not the fire of your love stays nice and not, or
fizzles into smoke. Choices like forgiveness, understanding, acceptance,
flexibility, kindness, etc. Choosing to forgive, to show support, to treat them
kindly, are the choices we easily forget to make. We often become so consumed
with our own needs and emotions, that we forget there is more at stake than an
argument. When we hold resentment, aren’t kind to our partner, take them for
granted, we are putting our relationships at risk. We are unknowingly choosing
not to love them in the future. We love people not just because of whom and how
they are to us, but also because of how we
see them. IF you allow yourself to see your partner in a negative light it
taints your loving view of them. Obviously you can’t control the choices they
make and sometime you can’t help but have your love be tainted. Regular day to
day things like leaving shoes by the couch, not rinsing a dish, or even big
issues like cheating, are all cases where you have to choose to forgive and live, or end it all. If you want to stay with
someone and accept all their many flaws (just as they must accept your many
flaws) then you must choose to
forgive even when it’s hard, choose
to see the good in them even when you want to focus on the bad, choose to show them kindness and grace
just as you want them to show you.
So, to
sum things up; we can’t choose how our heart feels but we can make choices that
feed the flames in our heart or choices that smother the flames for good. This
blog was a short one, but it’s direct and to the point.
Love and
its many choices, isn’t easy. . .
I choose to continue loving you. . .
Carmen
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