Is Love a Choice??

          Currently, the news is focused on homosexual marriage and whether or not it should be legal. This seems like a pretty good time to discuss whether love is a choice or an involuntary emotion. How do you know? If it is a choice, how do you choose? If it’s not a choice, what do you do if you fall in love with someone you don’t want to be in love with?

          The first question (and really the only question) we must answer is whether or not love is a choice. . . The easiest and most simple answer is this; not at first. When you initially fall in love with someone, you have very little say in the matter. You fall, and you can’t help that. However, you do choose whether or not you enter into a relationship with them. If you do choose to build a relationship with them, you will have to choose to continue loving them.

          This sounds crazy, I know. But, the truth is, long term relationships are full of choices that will determine whether or not the fire of your love stays nice and not, or fizzles into smoke. Choices like forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, flexibility, kindness, etc. Choosing to forgive, to show support, to treat them kindly, are the choices we easily forget to make. We often become so consumed with our own needs and emotions, that we forget there is more at stake than an argument. When we hold resentment, aren’t kind to our partner, take them for granted, we are putting our relationships at risk. We are unknowingly choosing not to love them in the future. We love people not just because of whom and how they are to us, but also because of how we see them. IF you allow yourself to see your partner in a negative light it taints your loving view of them. Obviously you can’t control the choices they make and sometime you can’t help but have your love be tainted. Regular day to day things like leaving shoes by the couch, not rinsing a dish, or even big issues like cheating, are all cases where you have to choose to forgive and live, or end it all. If you want to stay with someone and accept all their many flaws (just as they must accept your many flaws) then you must choose to forgive even when it’s hard, choose to see the good in them even when you want to focus on the bad, choose to show them kindness and grace just as you want them to show you.

          So, to sum things up; we can’t choose how our heart feels but we can make choices that feed the flames in our heart or choices that smother the flames for good. This blog was a short one, but it’s direct and to the point.

          Love and its many choices, isn’t easy. . .

 

    I choose to continue loving you. . .

                           Carmen

Love or Longing?

          Have you ever watched a child eat ice cream? They want it so badly that they lose sight of everything else. They don’t care about the game they were just playing, their favorite toy, Dora, Nemo, or any other animated friend. All they care about is getting what they want; ice cream. It doesn’t matter to them if they get sticky, sick to their stomach, or too full . . . they are going to eat every last bite.

          Sometimes as adults, we act the same way; we want something and no matter how it makes us feel, how hard we struggle, no matter what the cost, we are determined to have it. When we want love, we will do anything to have love no matter what. So, we need to ask ourselves; is it love or longing?

          Are we really in love, or are we longing for love so much that we’ve told ourselves it must be love? Are we ignoring our full-aching tummies? Are we letting our faces get covered in sticky, messy, nastiness because we’re shoveling our faces with what we thought we wanted?

         
          It can be sooo hard to tell ourselves “No”, when we desperately want to say “Yes”.  . . having the foresight and strength to look to the future, can save us amazing amounts of heartbreak. We have to start being 100% honest with ourselves and not forcing a relationship simply because we want a relationship. We deserve ice cream and we deserve to enjoy every last bite . . .but forcing it, shoveling it down our gullets for fear that it might soon be gone, will only cause problems in the long run.

          So, remember to ask yourself; is it love, or longing?

 

                                                                                      Sincerely,

 

                                                                                      Carmen