It seems as though our entire lives
revolve around the search for true love. From the time we are children . . .
especially little girls . . . we dream about love. We fantasize about our dream
man, dream wedding, dream house, and dream life. Everywhere we look we are
being told how to find love and how keep love. But how do we know when it’s really love?
Now days, everyone says I Love You.
Even my thirteen year old son tells his girlfriend that he loves her and they
see each other maybe once every two months, and only talk about once a week.
They don’t love each other. . .they have virtually no relationship and are only
thirteen! But, that is what we do now days. . .we say I Love You.
The question posed to me recently is
one of the most sought after answers in life; how do you know when love is true love?
Most of us have had more than one
relationship where we have said I Love You, then at some point the relationship
ended. Looking back, we can see that while we may have had love for that
person, we may not have been truly in love with them. It is definitely possible
to fall in love with more than one person in your lifetime, but considering all
the people we say the L word to, we cannot possibly be in love with all of them.
So, how do you know when it’s real?
Chew on this . . . the first two years
(at a minimum) are the getting to know you years. This means that for the first
two years, that bubbly feeling in the pit of your stomach, the pain you feel
when you’re away from them, and the eagerness you feel to be with them again is
not true love it is infatuation. Within these two years it is highly likely
that you would feel love for this person, but could this love be the one true
love you have spent your entire life looking for?
Answer these simple questions:
1.
Have you
been together long enough to be out of the infatuation stage? If you’re an
established adult that may have already been married, this time will probably
be shorter. If you’re under 35 or have never been in a relationship longer than
five years or more, then the infatuation stage will still probably be about two
years. Being past this phase is crucial in assessing the compatibility of a relationship.
2.
Do you
have a similar lifestyle and goals? If you’re like me, you think opposites
attract, and will somehow make for smooth sailing in love. Sure, opposites can
be great, but you need to be compatible. The easiest way to find compatibility
is to live a similar life and want similar things. Example: if you are an early
riser that goes to bed at 9pm and wakes at 6am, but he is a night owl that stays
up til 2am and gets up around noon, how compatible would be for a lifetime . . .
FOREVER? You can’t expect someone to change, hope they’ll grow up, or even try
to “save them” . . . it doesn’t work. Who they are now is who they are content
to be . . . you can’t change them.
3.
How much
do you really . . . I mean really . .
. know about them? How do they handle a crisis? How do they take their tea, or
is it coffee? How often do they clip their toe nails? How do they behave when
they’re sick? How often do they get sick? These are questions only time can
tell. How can you know if your love for someone is the one true and everlasting love if you don’t know them inside and
out?
The example
I gave to the young lady who recently asked me how to know when love is true
love is this; I love my friends
including her, the girl asking the question. But, I have a deep and lifelong
connection with my best friend. She knows me in a way that no one else ever
will. We have history, years together. She has seen the worst of me and still
loves me. We can say things to each other we could never say to anyone else. We
can be ourselves in our worst and best forms and know that there is only love
to be had from the other person. This is true
love. Anything else is love, and is valid, but it isn’t the one true and everlasting love.
Ladies (and gents), I hope this helps you.
With
Love,
Carmen
Please send me your questions and advice needs! I’m
here for you.
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