Love gone bad?

I was reminded this week that love (as unstable as it may be) is a gift from God that we all deserve to enjoy. Love is a gift . . .

          What do you do when your love, your gift, is falling apart? We fight so hard, for so long, we search the universe, we pray and pray and pray. Yet, once we have love, we seem to always screw it up. This person that we couldn’t get enough of for the first few years, is now the person we hold the most resentment for.

          Life is hard and it there aren’t always easy solutions to the problems we face. We are by nature selfish, greedy, beings. Over a period of years, our selfishness, and the selfishness of our partner, can build resentment within us like a brick wall. Breaking down this wall can seem impossible. So the question is; what do you do when your love gift falls apart?

          Well, you can’t return it for in store credit so then what? Toss in the towel? Stay the same and spend your life in a loveless relationship just to avoid the hassle of a breakup, the fear of being alone, and the effort of trying to heal things? Ultimately the choice is up to you because you’re the only one that has to live your life and your relationship, but, here is my two cents. . .

1.    Take responsibility.

You are contributing to your relationship 50/50, so dig deep and figure out what you might be doing that could have caused or could be causing resentment in your partner’s heart. Are you snippy, demanding, mocking, condescending, needy, pushy? Without changing the good things about yourself, what have you been doing that could be hurting or pushing away your [partner?

 

2.    Make a change.

If you know for certain that there is something you could do to be more supportive, loving, giving, thoughtful, then do it! If you keep on doing the same old thing, you’re going to stay in the exact same place. Even if your change is suggesting counseling . . . change something, but start with you!

 

3.    Talk to your partner.

An open line of communication can make or break a relationship. Some of you are laughing thinking “Ya, right. An open line of communication. That’s funny!” I know that our partners (even we, ourselves) aren’t always in a place to talk calmly or rationally about our relationships. So, do your best in opening the gates to your partner’s heart. Remember; you have built a brick wall of resentment and so have they. It was built one brick at a time, and will come down one slow-tedious-brick at a time.

 

             As you look at these three points, you may be saying, “But I’ve done all that” or, “But what if it doesn’t work”. Well, the sad truth is that not all relationships can make it to the 50 year anniversary. Sometimes, it just isn’t right. When you commit to someone, you owe it to them and yourself, to give it your all; 100%. If you don’t, then you could be walking away from a love that could span the ages, and never know it . . . or worse, you may realize it too late. Don’t walk away from what could be the greatest gift, but don’t stick around if it isn’t. Give it a chance, a real chance, and if it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work and no amount of years will change that.

          Good luck my lovely, loveable friends. And remember . . . you’re not alone!

                                                                                                                                                                                                 Carmen